(translated in 2018)

Among James Joyce’s novels and short stories, “A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man,” his first, stands as my favorite. It is a semi-autobiographical novel, set in 19th-century Dublin, that traces the intellectual and spiritual development of Stephen Dedalus, a young Irishman struggling to assert his individual identity and artistic vision against the constraints of his cultural and religious upbringing.

A key theme in this book is the concept of ‘epiphany.’ This term originates from the ancient Greek word ‘epipháneia,’ meaning ‘to reveal, to appear.’ Later, Christians adopted this word to celebrate the appearance of Jesus as the Christ, the prophesied Messiah. Joyce, in turn, repurposes it for a literary contex, popularizing it to denote a moment of sudden and profound insight or revelation. 

For Stephen Dedalus, the protagonist of the novel and Joyce’s alter ego, these epiphanies are pivotal in shaping his personal and artistic growth. Each epiphany helps him to gradually break away from the social, religious, and nationalistic constraints of his environment, leading him towards a path of self-realization and creative expression, and forging his identity as an artist. 

Likewise, Jin’s own epiphany marks a pivotal moment in his journey towards self-discovery, signifying a profound realization that drastically alters his self-perception. 

ARMYs, who are deeply familiar with Jin’s story, know intimately well that he grappled with self-doubt during his initial years with BTS. While he aspired to be an actor, his fellow BTS members had always aimed to be musicians. Finding himself amid exceptionally talented writers, rappers, dancers and singers, it’s only natural that Jin, coming from a different background, experienced feelings of insecurity. In interviews, he has openly acknowledged these feelings of inadequacy, even once wishing—when SUGA was injured before a concert—he were the one hurt and unable to perform instead of SUGA.

Furthermore, as the eldest member of the group (age holds significant cultural importance here in Korea) Jin bore the responsibility of caring for his younger bandmates. Although too modest to say so, it’s likely he felt the weight of being the eldest ‘hyung,’ compounded by his ongoing concerns about his contributions. Even as BTS rose from obscurity to global fame in 2017, his anxiety didn’t wane; if anything, it intensified due to his desire not to let down ARMY, now legion and worldwide.

In the first verse, Jin reflects on his struggle, expressing, metaphorically, a commitment so profound that it paradoxically fueled the turmoil within him:

It’s baffling,

I swear I truly loved you.

Prioritizing you above all else,

I aimed to devote my life to you.

But as I continue this way,

My inner storm spirals beyond control

Here, the ‘you’ is not an actual person, but a metaphor for Jin’s drive and ambition. Jin is troubled as he strives for excellence in his artistry, feeling something is not quite right. Perhaps it’s the necessity of concealing his true self to maintain an image of perfection. The more he tries to maintain this façade that everything is fine, the more internal conflict he faces. In the last lines of the first verse, Jin recognizes that he can no longer conceal his authentic self: “Behind the smiling façade/ My true self is revealed.”

In the chorus, Jin articulates his transformative revelation. He comes to understand that overcoming his insecurities and fears, essential to becoming a true artist, hinges on embracing self-love, in accepting his true self. Through his epiphany, Jin is finally recognizing his own unacknowledged worth and the value of his soul:

I’m the one I should love in this world.

My own radiance,

The value of my soul,

Now clear in my epiphany.

So I love me.

I’m not perfect,

But there’s beauty in being me.

I’m the one I should love.

My favorite line from the emotive chorus is “좀 부족해도 너무 아름다운 걸 (Johm (a little) boo-johk-hae-doh (lacking but) nuh-moo (so) ah-reum-dah-woon (beautiful) guhl (nominalized verb),” which literally translates to “I’m imperfect but so beautiful.” As a professional translator, I discern a deeper layer of meaning in Jin’s words. He is expressing that, despite being aware of his imperfections, there is inherent beauty in being true to oneself, embracing all flaws. This isn’t about physical attractiveness, but rather about the beauty of authenticity. 

In this beautifully composed song, another phrase—this time in the bridge—demands careful consideration to understand Jin’s true intent: “조금은 뭉툭하고 (joh-geum (a little) eun (particle) moong-took-hah-goh (blunt).” The word ‘뭉툭하고 (moon-took-hah-goh)’ derives from the adjective ‘뭉툭하다 (moong-took-hah-dah), which means ‘blunt,’ in English. Typically, it describes an object like a hammer, baseball bat, or an unsharp knife. However, when refering to a person, it implies abruptness in manner or a lack of perceptiveness. Clearly, the lyrics did not intend to depict Jin as rude, unintelligent, or dull. Thus, a more nuanced understanding is required to capture the essence of what Jin is conveying.

I can’t recall ever encountering any writer using the word ‘뭉툭하다 (moong-took-hah-dah)’ to describe a person’s personality or characteristics in Korean literature, though it is sometimes used for objects that are rounded, blunt, or indistinct. I was initially puzzled by the use this uncommon word, but this term presents an ideal metaphor to figuratively describe someone who might not be so dazzling or particularly glamorous, traits Jin identifies with himself.

Additionally in the bridge, I admire how the lyrics poetically references his body parts and soul—“내 팔과 다리 심장 영혼을 (nae (my) pahl-gwah (arms and) dah-rih (legs) sihm-jahng (heart) young-hohn (soul) eul (particle))”—to emphasize the importance of embracing oneself wholly. This section resonates deeply with me, featuring some of my favorite lines in the song:

I’m neither glamorous nor perfect,

You may not notice my understated presence,

But this is who I am.

My arms, legs, heart, and soul since birth,

I yearn to love them in this world.

Ever since this song first graced my ears, its beautiful melody and Jin’s haunting vocals continue to touch my heart, and the song’s poignant lines about self-love offers me an invaluable comfort. I know ARMYs around the world share this sentiment.

MV

Live 

Lyrics:

Verse 1:

It’s baffling,

I swear I truly loved you.

Prioritizing you above all else,

I aimed to devote my life to you.

But as I continue this way,

My inner storm spirals beyond control

Behind the smiling façade,

My true self is revealed.

Chorus:

I’m the one I should love in this world.

My own radiance,

The value of my soul,

Now clear in my epiphany.

So I love me.

I’m not perfect,

But there’s beauty in being me.

I’m the one I should love.

Verse 2:

Fearful, yet I’ll take bold steps.

I’ll meet the real me hidden in the storm.

Why did I 

Wanted to hide my precious self?

What was the fear

That made me conceal my true self?

Chorus:

I’m the one I should love in this world.

My own radiance,

The value of my soul,

Now clear in my epiphany.

So I love me.

I’m not perfect,

But there’s beauty in being me.

I’m the one I should love.

Bridge and Chorus:

I’m neither glamorous nor perfect,

You may not notice my understated presence,

But this is who I am.

My arms, legs, heart, and soul since birth,

I yearn to love them in this world.

My own radiance,

The value of my soul,

Now clear in my epiphany.

So I love me.

I’m not perfect,

But there’s beauty in being me.

I’m the one I should love.

Outro:

I’m the one I should love.

I’m the one I should love.